Be a Player not an Observer (during your mid-life crisis)

Midlife ladyTake control of your life and become an active player rather than someone watching from the sidelines
. If you want something to happen then see how you can make it happen. When you find yourself thinking “if only”, “I wish” or “wouldn’t it be nice”, stop and ask yourself how you can get some, if not all, of what you want. For example, one of my clients seemed to spend most of her time wishing life would be different – she wished she had a new job, more friends and a nicer house and she also wished she could lose weight and get fitter.

In our first session I noted she used the word “wish” 15 times in the first thirty minutes. When I asked her what stopped her from achieving her goals she came out with a whole list of excuses all of which boiled down to one root cause – fear. Becoming a player means learning to take risks – life doesn’t change if you don’t take some form or action. Sometimes you make a bad decision but no decision at all is more likely to make you unhappy. You have two choices. You can store up a life of regrets and then have a major mid-life crisis or you can learn to take risks and get more of the life you want – your choice. Keep asking yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?”

Think Ahead

Make sure that at least once a year you put some time aside to think about your life, the people in it and the things that you do. Write down all the positive and negative aspects and then make an action plan of the things you want to change.  Think ahead and plan to make the changes you want. The more you plan your life the more likely you are to set yourself on a course of action you can manage – no one says you have to make all the changes at once. It’s all about balance as planning your life with rigid military precision is likely to be as destructive and counter-productive as never planning anything at all. Learn to think creatively. Just because you can’t get what you want one way does not mean you cannot get some of what you want another way.

One of my clients was having a really difficult time getting media exposure.  People thought she was good at what she did but the work was not coming in.  Having a wonderful gift for communication and marketing, she found a niche for herself acting as a coach helping other media hopefuls market the skills they had.  In effect, she started to act like an agent and by making contacts on behalf of other people found that within a year she had landed herself a high profile slot on television and a number of grateful clients.

Bring other people with you

Your mid-life and how you handle it affects everyone around you. If you are in a relationship then it is important that you share your feelings with your partner. If you let him or her in on what you feel, want and think, then you are less likely to end up in one of those stereotypical situations with you wanting to do a Shirley Valentine and your partner wanting to buy a red sports car. By saying what you are feeling, you can help your relationship stay strong and cultivate a situation where you both change together with the likelihood of making changes you can both live with. Many couples that have done this have found that they have gone on to set new joint goals for their relationship that ensure they strengthen their relationship.

At mid-life we can become a little selfish and get so tied up with how we are feeling that we forget other people may be going through the same experiences.

The first part of this article can be found here: Coping with a Mid-Life Crisis